It is a true pleasure to host a guest post written by author and fellow blogger, EC Stilson, whose quill, inked with humor and poignancy, moves with effortless eloquence. The Golden Sky is a journal, that shares the unimaginable loss of a child to birth defects, and her journey to The Golden Sky that comes after the storm…
A mother of five, Stilson spends her days caring for her “rambunctious” children, sewing and playing the violin. Stop by her blog, ECWrites, but be sure to bring a hot cup of tea or a mug of coffee as her posts read like short novels…guaranteed to make you laugh, muse or cry.
The Golden Sky will be released on November 18, 2011…on Zeke’s birthday.
My son, Zeke died because of birth defects. It was a hard time. Life seemed to go on for everyone else, but I couldn't forget about my two-month-old boy.
Ruby, my older daughter, asked if we could go to the store. She begged and begged until I said “yes.” It turned out that all she wanted was a balloon. After we made it to the store, and she finally dragged me to the balloon area, my girl got so picky I couldn't believe it. Before I could contain myself, I said, “Just pick one, Ruby. Please! Mommy has had it!”
Her perfect little hand grabbed a blue balloon, and she eyed it suspiciously, like it was the lead suspect in a crime, or something. “This one, Mama! This one,” she yelled, because apparently it was innocent.
“Okay, Honey, calm down.” I took a deep breath and paid for the balloon.
The minute we got outside, Ruby let go and waved “bye-bye,” as the costly thing floated into the sky. “Ruby!” I groaned, but she didn't look at me, and instead kept waving to her helium friend. “Ruby! Why did you do that?”
She turned to me seriously, and in a toddler accent no one understands except me, she said, “Are there bawoons in heaven, Mama?”
“I don't know, Honey.” The anger vanished from my voice.
“I don't think there are, so I gave my bawoon to Zeke.” She smiled up at me, the beautiful smile of innocence.
“Oh, Honey,” I sobbed, and hugged her. “Zeke loves balloons.”
She put her hands on her hips then, and said, “Mama, don't get mad unwess you know the whole story, k?”
“Okay! I promise,” I said, and we shook on it.
I cried after that, remembering something my mom had told me long before. "All you need is God and a good attitude. Those two things will get you through."
I breathed deeply and opened my eyes. I'd gotten so busy looking into the past, for a moment I'd forgotten what was right in front of me.
"I love you," I said. "I'm so happy you're healthy. I'm just so happy you're still here. I love you, baby."
"I love you too, Mama," she said.
I hugged her then. We stayed there for a long time, rocking each other. Completely overwhelmed with thankfulness as we hugged underneath the balloon that was floating to my boy in Heaven.